


Be Careful What You Wish For

by wingedlioness



Series: bunny comedy [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU, Crack, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 07:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5657215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingedlioness/pseuds/wingedlioness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>David Nolan isn't too happy to be running the town's hot air balloon ride for the festival, but he is even less happy to be sharing the customers with the newcomer, Killian Jones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be Careful What You Wish For

**Author's Note:**

> Upon receiving her official title as my crack dealer, Scapeartist saw fit to throw out a completely joke challenge about David and Killian as rival hot air balloon captains, complete with an old school Bionic Man lunch box.  
> What can I say, I like a challenge.

Be Careful What You Wish For

 

\--d--n—

 

It was a beautiful day, judging by the sunlight that streamed onto the bed. David groaned into his pillow. Such a lovely day meant that he would spend it manning the hot air balloon, taking other couples out on a romantic ride while his own wife, friends, and family enjoyed greasy food and fun of the rest of the fair. 

It's not that he didn't love doing it, he did. He'd gotten to play host to many a young love, old love, and at least one marriage proposal a year. Four years ago he had an elderly couple renew their vows from the balloon and ever since has made sure to have tissues hidden aboard (for the guests of course. Not for him. That'd be ridiculous). It's just that this little gig for a weekend carnival, begun solely as an extra money source to save for his wedding, had turned into a major attraction for the surrounding towns. So what had once been a steady but relaxing weekend was now an all out hectic working weekend. But after six years of providing the community with an affordable way to enjoy the Maine coastline from a unique vantage, there was no way he was going to disappoint them by stopping. And with half the proceeds going to the local animal shelter, well, he really didn’t have a choice.

 

\--k--j—

 

It was a beautiful day. Killian was new to the concept of a weekend carnival but he couldn't imagine a better nor more picturesque setting than the clear blue skies and sparse clouds. He closed his eyes and soaked in the rays of the risen sun. The town had certainly gotten lucky for their festival. While he was a bit unsure as to precisely how one successfully sails ships of the air instead of the sea, the long blonde hair stuck to his leather jacket reminded him of why he was willing to take up this particular challenge. Thankfully he had an internet savvy assistant who had been more than willing to print out various instructions as well as retrieve supplies from the diner to make truly memorable rides for all their passengers.

He double-checked the balloon's mooring and turned his attention to positioning the sign for maximum visibility to the street that would later be filled with revelers. He couldn't help the smug grin in response to the not so concealed gawking by early morning joggers as he straightened up. He was warned that people may not choose the transplanted harbormaster over the established deputy but he had a feeling that he wouldn't have a problem attracting a crowd.

 

\--d--n—

 

David rolled out of bed, grumbling his way through getting ready as his wife and younger sister chatted cheerfully in the kitchen.  He paused long enough to ruffle Henry's hair (apparently causing a death in whatever game he was playing by the irritated "Uncle David!" that quickly followed) before ducking into the shower. His mind drifted into replaying Mary Margaret's attempts to convince him now was the right time for a baby the previous night. Dammit, now he really wished Emma was not giggling away in the loft so he could convince his wife of one more round before the craziness of the weekend descended. Wait, Emma,  _ giggling _ ? There’s no way. She must’ve been...sneezing. Or convulsing. Or something. Screw it, now he was tired, horny, and curious as hell. What a weird combination.

And of course they had all left without him, a short love note about going to Granny's for breakfast since they had time placed beside the muffins Mary Margaret made for him. Yeah, sweet. It was really sweet. It wasn't Granny's chocolate chip pancakes but no, right, it was very thoughtful. It also didn't make up for the constant readjusting he'd have to do in the slightly too tight jeans that Mary Margaret loved so much. Thankfully, thoughts of his upcoming day helped get his libido under control (as well as his pants on more comfortably). David couldn’t help that slight grimace that marred his features as he grabbed his keys and locked the door behind him.

 

\--k--j—

 

Killian was still grinning absently to himself, recalling the details of his date the previous evening, when Smee returned, arms laden with a cooler and much paperwork. He managed to shake his reverie enough to assist the poor man and they took their early arrival to the fairgrounds as a chance to ensure perfection for their booth. 

As he organized the goods into an easy system dependent upon the prospective customers' needs, Smee stashed the troubleshooting guide he procured in a special compartment on the craft. Killian reached the bottom of the food supplies only to find a beaten-up Bionic Man tin lunchbox.

"Mr. Smee?"

"Yes, sir?"

Someday he'd get the man to stop acting so deferential, reportedly the former harbormaster insisted upon being called "sir" or "Captain" at all times. Bloody ponce.

"What on earth is this ...thing?"

Smee fidgeted, "the Sheriff handed it to me as I was leaving Granny's, sir. She said you'd know what it is." 

"The Sheriff, eh?" Killian grinned. Hopefully this meant the lass had enjoyed their time as much as he.

He took the worn box a little way from his assistant and opened it eagerly. A scrap of paper greeted him from atop a matching thermos labeled “coffee, black” and a gigantic sandwich, “not poisoned.”

 

_ Don’t get cocky.  _

_ I know from my brother’s whining that ‘running a hot air balloon service for the people of Storybrooke is  _ **_really_ ** _ hard and you'll work up an appetite.’ _

_ So don't make this out to be more than what it is. _

_ Emma _

_ Ps don't you dare lose the tin, it was Henry’s gift to me when I was elected sheriff for the first time. _

_ Pps don't you dare read into that either, I just had nothing else to put your lunch in. _

 

Killian's sudden guffaw startled Smee into dropping the empty cooler right on his foot. The subsequent series of follies only fanned the flames of Killian’s cracking up before he could even attempt to help. 

 

\--d--n—

 

Before he could even park his truck, David remembered the still warm muffins that were sitting on his kitchen counter. He thunked his head against the wheel. The sun was far too bright, the joggers were far too cheerful, someone was laughing raucously, and he had forgotten his breakfast. Maybe Mary Margaret would be nice enough to bring it to him but he knew that she, Emma, and Henry had a full morning planned.  He certainly couldn’t bet on her noticing her phone going off any time soon. Who knows, maybe he’d luck out. He sighed, and sent off a quick SOS text, trying to keep the aggravation in his head from coming out in the message. If he’d had known the entire day would be out to get him, he most definitely would not have left his bed.

 

\--k--j—

 

If he had known this town had such an intriguing Sheriff, he would've heeded Eric's push to relocate much sooner. And if he known how glorious she looked in battle and how grand a team they made, well, let's just say he may have damn well orchestrated a drunken brawl at the docks upon arrival. 

Not that she made the subsequent courtship easy. It had taken him two full weeks after he helped subdue the miscreants (two weeks of coffee brought ‘round to the station, an errant rose or two under her windshield,  _ and _ helping her through the paperwork regarding the incident) ‘til she surprised him at Granny's with a request for a real date. 

A magnificent date, it turned out. And perhaps even better than he had dreamed (and oh the dreams he'd had last night...), judging by the endearingly awkward note and delicious coffee. He tucked the lunch box reverently in a corner beside his personal belongings, folding each note carefully into his breast pocket. It may not be her heart, but he had an inkling that for Emma Swan, this gesture was the next best thing.

 

\--d--n--

 

If he wasn’t able to join everyone for breakfast, his beautiful wife bringing him still warm pancakes was the next best thing. David bounded over to her side, letting the sign he was placing fall whichever way gravity felt was best. 

“Oh honey,” Mary Margaret chastised him as she went to fix it.

“Sorry. Hungry. You’re the best.”

She just shook her head at him as she straightened up the rest of his display and items needed for the day. Henry was looking around eagerly, typing up a storm in his phone. David knew it to either be his to-do list for the festival or another story in the works. Maybe even some combination of the two. His nephew had the most engrossing imagination he’d ever encountered. It was only after two pancakes were gone that he noticed the missing person. 

“Where’s your mom?”

“Leroy.”

“Ah.”

The one word reminded him how glad he was to be off-duty this weekend. The town’s electrician may be competent but damn if he didn’t find something “catastrophic” or “doomed” during every single town event. It also meant that Emma was going to be tied up fixing whatever problem for a while. 

“So what do you say kid, we on for this afternoon?”

Henry finally glanced up from the device to give him a vaguely guilty look. “I was gonna go up with Killian actually, he promised to let me steer and everything!”

David paused. Killian? Who...oh yeah, that was the name of the new harbormaster, right?

“Wait, go up? He’s doing a balloon ride too?”

“Yeah, his booth’s on the other side of the field. See?”

David followed his nephew’s pointing and finally noticed the other craft. How he had managed to walk right past it from the parking lot, he had no idea. And the balloon had a gigantic Jolly Roger painted on, no wonder Henry wanted to go in that one.

“I’m not so sure your mom will want you to go off with a stranger, Henry.”

“He’s not though,” Henry argued. “He’s been giving field trip tours at the docks since he got here and Mom finally asked him on a date after weeks of his ‘courting’ her or something anyway.”

“Whoa, what--”

“And he asked me when we ran into him after Granny’s and she said yes and they started getting flirty but then Leroy showed up all ‘aaaaah the town’s in trouble’ so Mom left in a hurry but totally tripped over the sidewalk and Killian managed to not even laugh at her even though I could definitely tell he wanted to at least a little but _ I  _ laughed and Mom stuck her tongue at me but Killian had his assistant block off an hour for me before lunch. A whole _ hour _ , isn’t that awesome?”

David felt his brain rattling a bit after the ten year old’s rabid recounting. He looked to Mary Margaret for some sort of explanation when the dots finally connected.

“Emma was giggling this morning.”

Mary Margaret grinned, “she sure was.”

“She had a date.”

“She sure did.”

“With someone who is also running a hot air balloon ride?”

“Stop right there, David Nolan. It was Emma’s idea,” the brunette stalked over to him imperiously. “Haven’t you been complaining for the past three months about how busy you were going to be and how you really wanted a break this year?” 

He sighed and put his forehead to hers. 

“Yeah, I have.”

“You know Emma, she doesn’t sit around idle if she has any choice. She helps people. Even when they don’t ask for it. Even when they whine about the problem instead.”

He pulled her closer at her thinly veiled, and highly accurate, jab. 

“Remind me to thank her later.”

“Oh I will.” 

Her green eyes sparkled up at him and he nudged her lips open with his own. It took the aggravated huffs from their nephew to pull him back to the present and the increasingly inappropriate places his hands had begun traveling to. 

“Good luck today,” Mary Margaret whispered into his ear before she gathered her stuff and allowed Henry to drag her off.

 

\--k--j--

 

“I forgot to wish you luck today,” Emma started defensively. 

Killian turned slowly, curtailing the grin threatening to split his face as best he could.

“I would never question the presence of a beautiful woman, love, nor deny any form of luck one wishes to bestow upon me.” 

She rolled his eyes at his suggestive leering but still stepped closer. “Yeah, and what if I wanted to wish you  _ bad  _ luck?”

“Oh darling, you can be as _ bad  _ as you’d like,” his fingers toyed with the edge of her red leather jacket.

She laughed outright, surprising him as she grabbed his lapels and tugged his mouth to hers for a quick but breathtaking kiss. 

“Good luck, Casanova. You’re going to owe me another date with the money you make. This was my idea after all.”

She moved away quickly, managing a simultaneously shy and sexy smirk at his flushed cheeks. With a final nod, Emma began hurrying towards her lad as he started chatting with a booth operator across the field.

“As you wish,” he murmured after her departing form. 

Smee coughed carefully from the other side of the balloon, alerting Killian to his first patrons of the day. He touched his lips and closed his eyes a moment before rounding the corner. Today was going to be brilliant.

 

\--d--n--

 

What on earth was going on today? He had set up everything, sign was perfect (thanks to Mary Margaret), weather was great, and...nothing. Not a single person had come by. He would think that people just weren’t interested at the moment but he could see the Jolly Roger flag up in the air nearly constantly. After the fourth time the other balloon had come back down and still nothing for his own booth, he was starting to get pissed. How the heck did some stranger manage to steal  _ his  _ customers?

Putting up a hasty “Back In A Moment” sign, he made his way over towards the other balloon. Which rose up yet again before he could get even halfway there. Clenching his fists, he watched the dock rat chatting away with some young women before taking down their information. David gritted his teeth and strolled up as nonchalantly as possible.

“Ah, good morning Deputy! Isn’t it a beautiful day?”

“Yes it is, isn’t it?”

David made a pretense of surveying the faire while checking out the immaculate stall.

“Ah,” he spied the overflowing cash box. “Looks your box isn’t quite big enough, Smee.” 

“Oh geez, I really should go get that put away, don’t want anyone getting ideas. Thank you, see you around Deputy.”

David waved serenely as the man hurried off to store their current take for the day. As soon as Smee was out of sight, he whipped around to further search this Killian’s belongings. There had to be some secret to his success. Just an overly organized setup and an elegantly scripted sign. Although...aha! David sniggered. He spotted an old, obviously loved lunchbox hiding just beneath a satchel. It looked a little familiar, but he paid that no mind when he saw the monstrous sandwich within. Double-checking for any onlookers, he tucked it under his arm and headed back to his side of the field. 

\--k--j--

 

Killian maneuvered the craft deftly back down to his side of the field. He was finding this exhilarating. Perhaps the weather had decided to take pity on the one-handed amateur, but he felt as though sailing through the air was something he was born to do. No wonder Emma’s brother insisted on doing this every year, it was brilliant. He tossed the ropes over to Smee so the man could help anchor them properly. As his assistant scurried about, he bowed low and gave each passenger a hand to help them down. It wasn’t needed, but judging by the gleam in the women’s eyes, it was definitely appreciated. 

“Ladies, I do hope you enjoyed your excursion. I hope to see you again this weekend.”

As they turned away, he caught the edges of a “you bet that fine ass you will” from one as the other tried to hush her.

He smirked as he went to help Smee with the rest of the knots. He definitely felt due for a little break. Killian moved his satchel, eager to tear into the monstrosity Swan called a sandwich only to find...nothing. The lunchbox was gone.

“Mr. Smee?” his voice breaking traitorously.

“Yessir?”

“Did you move the Sheriff's tin?” 

“Her... oh the tin she gave me earlier? No sir. I haven’t seen it since I gave it to you.”

There had to be an explanation. It was there when he went up last, he had checked. He’d never admit it, but he was paranoid of breaching the fragile trust he’d built up in his courtship with Emma. That she placed such a precious object in his care amazed him and he was not about betray that. The empty table top stared at him mockingly.

His brain racked through possibilities.

“Have you seen anyone by here? Did anyone come over during the last cruise? Did you leave the station for any reason?”

Smee cowed a bit under the inquiries. 

“I, uh, I, David Nolan came by earlier and noticed our cash box was full so I dropped the money off the with mayor. But everyone else stayed over by the check-in and I didn’t see him go over to your things either.”

The pleading undertone cut through Killian’s panic and allowed for a moment of clarity. 

“Deputy Nolan, aye? The Sheriff’s brother?”

“Yessir! Very trustworthy fellow, runs the other hot air balloon.”

Killian sneered. Trustworthy? He had a feeling that the lack of movement he had observed from the other side of the festival may be indicative of some treachery abound. He shook himself out of his gut reaction, to fight back and fight _ dirty _ , and reminded himself that Nolan may have just seen his sister’s possession in his care and thought it to be misplaced. Investigation was due. 

“I’ll just go have a word with him then. I’m sure if he saw it, he’d be sure to point me in the right direction.”

“Of course, sir. Your next appointment is in an hour and then you promised to take the lad up,” Smee supplied frantically.

Killian smiled warmly at him and sauntered off.

Smee sighed in relief, happy to see his boss acting like himself again. He wasn’t sure about the flash of intensity the last few moments had wrought.  

 

\--d--n--

 

David swallowed happily. He finally felt like himself again. That sandwich had been delicious. That Killian may be a total jerk for taking his passengers away from him but damn if the man didn’t make a good lunch. As he watched Marco and Granny turn his way, he hid the box under his coat. It looked like his luck was finally turning around.

 

\--k--j--

 

Killian watched as the deputy shook hands with the older gentleman and kissed the esteemed Granny on the cheek. As they clambered on board, he slowed his pace. Dave undid the craft with practiced ease and quite soon they had drifted away on the breeze. Killian felt a small pang of guilt as he noticed the man's mostly empty ledger which was subsequently wiped clean away upon spying a tiny glint of silver under Dave's jacket. He narrowed his eyes furiously. If the man had honorable intentions, surely Emma would've texted him to inform him of its new location should she have been too embarrassed to reclaim it for him. Which led him to believe that Dave here had not grabbed the tin in a heroic attempt to return it to his sister. Looking again to his paperwork, Killian noticed a few crumpled up papers lying near by. Judging by the angry doodles and lack of appointments, it seemed that Dave was a bit peeved at his popularity. Killian grinned. If Dave wanted to play rough, he would show him how it's done. 

 

\--d--n--

 

David beamed at Marco as he led the properly romanced Granny off to their next stop. He spent some time securing the balloon, looking up eagerly every time someone came close. It only took a couple of people gossiping about “that poor man!” until his curiosity overcame him. 

“Hey, Ruby!”

She tugged on Mulan’s hand to get them to backtrack to David.

“What’s up Nolan?”

“Do you know anything about some ‘poor man’? I’ve heard more than a few people talking about it in the last few minutes.”

Mulan scoffed a little as Ruby gave him a slightly incredulous look. 

“Wow, you really don’t pay attention to your competition, do you?”

“Pfft, what competition?” David’s tone wavered a bit under Mulan’s withering stare. 

Ruby laughed, “pretty sure you know. The piercing eyed, smoldering hot sort of competition who is now trying to ‘raise money to replace a treasure that his beloved Sheriff entrusted to him that some scoundrel stole while he was out on a ride.’”

He felt his blood drain from his face as Ruby let him stew in the silence following her information. 

“His Sheriff? Emma gave him...something?”

“Yes. Apparently it’s some token from Henry that means quite a lot to her. The ‘poor man’ is nearly beside himself, so of course the town is falling over themselves to try and help him out.”

David swallowed uncomfortably. 

“Yeah, wow, that sucks. I should go over and see if there’s anything I can do.” 

“Hm, good idea. Good luck!”

He wasn’t sure he liked the glint in Ruby’s eyes but thankfully she began dragging Mulan towards an archery booth before he could blurt out any sort of confession. 

Shit. How the hell had he not realized the Bionic Man lunchbox was Emma’s? Probably because there’s no universe he could’ve imagined her giving it to anyone, for any reason. Which means she was serious about this guy. Double shit.

Even if he knew he couldn’t own up to his deed, he could play it off as having discovered in lying about somewhere. 

 

\--k--j--

 

Killian swallowed a smile as he noticed the blonde man headed his way, a box under one arm. He finished recounting his tragic tale to another sympathetic listener ready to sign up for a Saturday and Sunday slot with Smee before turning to the deputy. 

“Deputy Nolan, I believe?”

“Oh, call me David. I heard you’ve had a bit of trouble?”

Killian kept his smirk down but couldn’t help the quirk of his eyebrow.

“Indeed, but...what’s that under your arm?”

He noticed Dave’s eyes narrow a moment before the mask of concern came back up.

“I found this along the path actually. And I know it’s Emma’s so when I heard your story, I was thinking maybe, just maybe, this is what you misplaced?”

“You just happened upon it? How serendipitous! The thief must’ve dropped it at some point, perhaps after seizing the goods inside.” 

Killian took the box graciously, opening it carefully. Sure enough, the interior was empty. Not for the first time, Killian thanked all his stars he had taken the coffee out before this debacle. He could feel Dave’s glare on him up until Ashley turned her sympathy for his plight into admiration for Dave’s ‘heroic’ rescue. 

“That’s so amazing that you found it, David! You are just such a nice guy to go out of your way like that, not even knowing that this is what Killian had lost.”

He watched the deputy smile back at her, his cheeks flushed with Killian knew to be guilt, and knew that observers would see as humility. 

“Come on, let me get Sean so we can sign up for a ride with you tomorrow.”

Dave’s eyes betrayed his smug victory as he led his admirer across the field. 

Killian shook his head. It was nearly time for Henry’s ride and the important thing was that Swan’s precious tin was back in his possession. His stomach grumbled a little and he couldn’t help the fleeting pan of loss of what had looked to be a magnificent lunch. Damn that Nolan. 

 

\--d--n--

 

David stretched happily. After several hours, the circulation of the tale of his valiant rescue and return of Emma’s lunchbox to her paramour definitely helped attract people to his side of the faire. And to his delight, he hadn’t seen Killian’s balloon go up since Henry had gone back to the rest of the attractions. That’s what he gets for making up a story about a scoundrel stealing from him. He shifted uncomfortably, it’s not like the guy had actually lied. But if David had known, well whatever. What’s done is done and he  _ did  _ return it. It’s not his fault Ashley was spreading the story and making him the hero in it.

 

\--k--j--

 

Small town gossip. Earlier Killian had been all for it. It had attracted many people to his booth and he knew his looks had more than a little do with it. The mystery of the one-handed harbormaster was just another allure, as was the revelation that he was the man breaking through the walls of the somewhat prickly Sheriff. But now? Now that Dave had made himself the hero of the same story he was truly the villain in… He had no desire to out the man, not when he did the honourable thing by returning the box. But there were other ways to get back at a man so obviously easily provoked into jealous competition.

 

\--d--n--

 

David leaned back. He had three more people on the list before he could grab some dinner, and then on to the evening trips. Jefferson and Grace had missed their appointment but he knew Jefferson was flaky so he could’ve just forgotten. It wasn’t until Sarah missed hers, then Mulan and Ruby that he got concerned. He squinted across the field and saw a sizeable crowd gathered around Killian’s balloon. What was going on now?

He made no pretense this time, just headed over with every intention of confronting Killian to release the townsfolk from whatever thrall the man had them under. He spotted Sarah and Granny, Ruby and Mulan whispering together, Jefferson sans Grace, and even Booth all listening to Killian giving out the basics of the hot air balloon. David rounded the balloon only for a six-pack amplified by a dusting of chest hair and low riding jeans to stop him in his tracks. He glanced around again and this time saw the obvious signs of a crowd drooling absently as the sultry accented voice washed over them. Killian gave him a cheeky wave before continuing his lecture, making sure to gesture with his full body as he explained the burner above him.

David backed away, seeing Smee’s satisfied smile as he once more went off to deposit their brimming cashbox. 

The damn pirate wasn’t the only one with looks in this town, he would show him.

 

\--*--*--

 

Mary Margaret laughed helplessly as Emma’s arrow went wildly off target. 

Emma took the blindfold off to see the poor hedge she had hit instead. 

“Hey, you try doing it this way and see if you do any better!”

The women chuckled together when Henry came bounding up to them.

“Oh man, you guys are missing all the fun!”

“What’s going on kid?”

Henry grinned up at them, “you need to see this to believe it.”

Emma and Mary Margaret exchanged a confused look before following the excited boy towards the town fields.

By the time the trio had cleared the other booths, they could see sizeable crowds near both balloons. And in the midst of it all…

“Uh, Emma? Killian was wearing a shirt this morning, right?”

“And David? Wasn’t he?” Emma gulped. 

“Do you think we want to know?”

“I think we need to stop this before anything else comes off.”

Mary Margaret tittered nervously as she and Emma split up towards their partners. Henry just sat there cackling and took out his phone to snap photos before the women could get the posturing men under control. This was a carnival to preserve for posterity, and blackmail purposes, that’s for sure.

 

\--*--*--

 

The following year Mr. Smee ran the hot air balloon ride.

 


End file.
